Hadlee: Mom, I don't think I liked that little boy.
Me: Why not?
Hadlee: When we were in that tunnel, he smacked me in the face.
Me: Why did he do that?
Hadlee: I don't know, that's why I don't like him.
Me: Maybe he didn't mean to smack you; maybe it was an accident.
Hadlee: No, I think he meant to, he just smacked me.
Me: What did you do when he smacked you?
Hadlee: Nothing
Me: Well, did you tell him to please not hit you?
Hadlee: No....I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
I explained that when someone smacks you in the face for no reason, it's perfectly okay to tell them not to smack you in the face, whether it hurts their feelings or not.
Was she serious? I had a moment of unbelief where all my parenting practices ran through my head. What am I doing wrong? My first thought is that it's because I am homeschooling. I seem to blame that for everything. I get mad because others are so judgemental about it, but I guess I am the same way. Or maybe that's the first place I go because I assume that's what everyone else will think or does think. Wouldn't it be nice if everything that was wrong with my parenting all came down to one decision? Seems a little scary to think what would happen if I put my kids in school and there were still things that were lacking. GASP. What would I blame then, what would everyone else blame? (I say 'what' because we all know it's not a 'who'.)
Then I think maybe that was exactly the reason I haven't put Hadlee in school because I have known all along that she is so tenderhearted. What would happen if I put her in school and she came home daily crying? She has gotten better at standing up for herself. I used to constantly worry that she never would; that she would just do what everyone else wanted all the time and never have a voice of her own. But now, she is getting smacked in the face and doesn't make a peep because of the boy's feelings.
Then I think this parenting business is way harder than it's supposed to be.
Then I decide I need some chocolate or a diet coke (preferably with a lime or lemon).
Then I go get a cookbook and try to decide what I should bake to make myself feel better.
Then I hate myself because I am not skinny enough.
Then I decide my head is too full of not-enoughs.
I should maybe focus on the positive.
That will be my goal for today.
Less worry lines and more laugh lines.
I think laugh lines have to be the more graceful way to age, don't you?
2 comments:
I witnessed a similar incident with Spencer and a mean kid at a park (this kid was 3 years older than Spencer). I couldn't believe that he didn't stand up for himself. Ever since then we talk about standing up for yourself. There is a "bully" in his class at school too. They do role-playing situations in class to help them defend themselves. On one hand I am thankful I have such a soft-hearted little guy...on the other hand I am glad he's learning to stand up for himself a little more.
I don't think it has anything to do with home or public schooling. We just have sweet little kids!
Amanda, we run into this with Ethan a lot. He has really mellowed out with age, but I find that sometimes he lets kids his age or older bully him. We have been teaching him how to stand up for himself. I ask him every day after school if there was anything that made him sad. Then we talk about what he could tell the kid next time. I have often thought about homeschooling too (a lot). But, I'm just worried that I wouldn't be good at teaching my kids. Where did you get your curriculum?
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